HOLIDAZED AND CONFUSED
Sheryl Zohn

“…Fortunately, in first grade I got my first taste of Christmas revenge. One day in early December, our teacher made an announcement to the class: “Today, we are going to write letters to Santa and mail them to the North Pole.”

The other kids excitedly began pulling out construction paper and crayons. I, however, was perturbed by our assignment – not just because we could barely write our names, let alone a foreign mailing address – but because our teacher had proposed corresponding with a man my parents had told me was fictional.

I waved my hand in the air. “Excuse me, Mrs. Simons--”

Mrs. Simons clearly sensed trouble ahead. She answered, “Shhhh. We are all writing our letters quietly.”

“But Mrs. Simons, I’m Jewish.”

“Well, you can still write a letter to Santa. You want presents, don’t you?”

“But my parents say there’s no such thing as Santa Claus.”

Suddenly, twenty small heads perked up…”

Sheryl Zohn has written for a variety of TV shows, including Showtime’s Penn & Teller: Bullshit!, CNBC’s Dennis Miller, and Comedy Central’s Straight Plan for the Gay Man. She also co-wrote the movie musical ’Til Birth Do Us Part with her favorite collaborator—and favorite husband—Rob Kutner.